Idea Box

let these dreams die inside me
These dreams never die
looking back on memories
like a conversation with yourself
No one has to know
Denial was what I chose.



The idea of destiny is slipping by. The idea of being responsible for one's decisions emerges.

I gave up complaining for lent.

life goals.

Someone asked me my list of life goals. I was embarrassed I couldn't think of any, but here's a growing list.
-read all the classic greek philosophers cover to cover.
-meet more soul mates
-act in an indie film
-play in front of a live audience
-play a team sport
-develop my cooking and drink making
-not worry about money
-improve the lives of people around me
-live in Japan
-develop a style
-save the world
-die without vices, and without fuss

chicken

One of the few times I've questioned my father's correctness. He said "chicken marsala" was an Italian dish, and I believed it was Indian, mistaken for "masala" curry. I thought he actually made a mistake for once.

moustache

a few of my favorite (tangible) things

an undamaged lemon
scathed mushrooms
kites over a field of green grass
streetlamps on the midnight highway
large turtles
lazy fish
red glasses
fresh tomatoes
olive oil
ceremonial knives
parking garages
canoes
the Smart car
cocoa butter
foreign cigarettes
exotic beverages
tea containers
transparent sheets of fabric
tweed coats
plaid
bright paints
crybaby faces
traditional old men
white beards
anime comic books
orangina
blue clothes
flimsy stationary
calico cats
clean teeth
alternating stripes
sea urchins
bicycles

Origins of Life

In celebration of Darwin's birthday this past week, I've will dedicate this topic to the relationship between evolution and intelligent creation. The main argument separating these two theories is that all species have been proven to evolve, as opposed to being created by an intelligent being individually, and being plopped onto this earth. However, does anyone find it peculiar that the genetic makeup of all species is perfectly suited for evolution? Why did the common ancestor of all life have a genetic code composed of nucleic acids which was used to pass information onto the next generation. This method seems almost too perfect, then again, perhaps it was perfected by eons of natural selection. Still, the genetic makeup of the simplest species and the most complex are undeniably related in a very close fashion.

How would life have been different if heredity was determined by proteins? Central dogma states that DNA is transcribed to RNA, which is translated to amino acids, which eventually go on to form proteins. Scientists once believed that proteins were the code of life, which logically makes sense because all of life is made from proteins, which originate from combinations from a mere 20 or so amino acids. If the code of life comprised of proteins, however, there would be no conceivable way to transfer genetic information onto the next generation. In comes DNA. To think that the environment's affects on one little process has created so much speciation is uncanny. Yet all life is bound together by this code. Life is all we know, but what if there is something else out there? Something that doesn't necessarily adhere to central dogma.

Nervousness

The sympathetic nervous system reacts to situations of threat with sweating and an unsure feeling of possible harm. For me, I never got nervous taking a test, because I have always done well at these things. But it's a different story when interacting with new people. You know, they say when it comes to dating, don't do this and that, but above all, do not act nervous. Why? It can be assumed people get nervous when they are doing something they have had bad experiences with before. This brings to mind the whole causation argument. People don't have bad experiences because they are nervous, but are nervous because they have had bad experiences. The nervousness is a tell, an instant signal that there is something wrong with this person's past, and you should run away, as far away as possible. Take it for what it's worth.

Tales of Shame and Degredation

//TBA//

memory

Why does reminiscing feel so good? Is the crystallized memory? The security of knowing that it will never change. So is the appeal of history.

Fate

I was listening to "1979", the 2nd track on a cd of 138 tracks. Instead of hitting the replay button, I accidentally hit the random button. Now there coincidentally happen to be 2 "1979" tracks on this cd, and the player randomly chose track 128, which coincidentally happened to also be "1979".

.. .. .

Stifling sky, between heaven and hell, where we lay our scene. Fox-brimmed carrion envisioned in incredulous caviar. Brevity for solid carp, which steals the soul of humanoids laying feelings from past seizures. I sat in my darkened room, arms around knees, feeling for a being, feeling for me. For mud, swimming in circles to understand blocks. These moments betrothed better moments. Are these better steps? Does one singing leave clothes untied? In dreams the tortoise does unwrap the mind. And we are all different for it.

In utero

Could it be that people have this preconceived longing to return to the womb? A place and time of absolute ethereal warmth and comfort where not a thing can go wrong, of which can never be had again. Though we search, nothing quite makes the mark. And in what peculiar paths. The first that comes to mind is with the help of drugs, which unfortunately comes at a price. The search for power is a way to protect oneself by controlling their surroundings, but at a greater exposure to risk and responsibility. Then comes the relationship between the sexes, where in some Freudian way, two people can feel a sense of comfort and contentedness unmatched by any other emotion. Perhaps a prenatal baby does feel this or something of the like. So do we sleep in the fetus position by our partners, dreaming of the best times of our lives both past and to come.

Dentists in the media

-Murakami's short stories often depict a dentist character. He has a knack for making the ordinary extraordinary. One is a dentist, whose wife is an unafflicted insomniac that swims furiously at the club and reads thick novels over a glass of liquor, comes home during lunch somedays, and brushes his teeth immediately afterwards.
-Colgate commercials
-Willy Wonka's(whoops) father was a dentist
-The Simpson's episode where Lisa gets braces
-Seinfeld, the dad from Malcolm in the Middle plays a dentist who keeps pornography in his waiting room.
In short, dentists don't get much exposure. That is why the profession is such a well kept secret.

love b.c.

Imagine how love worked in ancient times, when history was rarely written. Did two people go through the same promenade that we are so familiar with in this day and age?

History often portrays marriage as a loveless affair between two estates with a dynastic approach to creating a family tree. This is due to a flawed system of history. Only events that occur in relation to important figures is recorded in a manner that has any possibility of being preserved. The rest of our ancestor's stories fade into obscurity. Actually, it's quite romantic thinking about all the notable and quips that have ever occurred, spanning the entire spectrum of human events. But not until the Renaissance has the popularity of love emerged in media with the likes of Lord Byron and Shakespeare, Titian, and Botticelli. Before this, love was overtaken by the emotion of lust, which was scarce in itself.

Though there are few tangible artifacts that can prove this, it is in our DNA. By the way we act and feel towards each other. This is an ancient dance.

The Perfect Morning

I woke up this morning, and my bed was perfectly made.

Staying happy

- listening to music in bed before sleeping
- when it's sunny + rainy
- staying clean and fresh

:a man's dignity is all he has, and most women know this:

The small Indian man in all of us

L'hotel Dauphin - Japan branch

pulpy orange paper

10.22.08

Today was the first day I've felt relaxed in awhile, not that I've been particularly busy. Just that I felt ok. I've been in a sort of existential cocoon. Predicting what's to come has so overwhelmed me with an anxiety about who I am and what I am capable of. All the stress amounted to nothing. Didn't accomplish anything. Actually, it was more a path to self-destruction, which I know, through experience, becomes a vicious cycle. What I've realized is that I really don't have a clue.